I can't breathe out the right side of my face
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
