Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
