the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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