Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
