hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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