You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
