i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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