My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
