Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
