If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
