she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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