addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
