Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
