Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
