Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
