I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Randomize
