At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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