apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
