He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
