I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
