Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
