dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
