Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
