i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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