oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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