I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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