She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Shitshow foam night was such a success
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
