Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
