in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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