Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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