Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
