I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
where are my eyebrows?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
