Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
