Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
