i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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