I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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