You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
