Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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