Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
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