I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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