y did u give ur computer a hand job?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
So many bounce houses so little time
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
