i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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