After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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