Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
