Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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