just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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