apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
