Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
