I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
