Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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