i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
