Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
