ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
