Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
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