Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
