Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
