That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
